Why you need to control your emotions. How to learn to control your emotions and restrain yourself? The impact of negative emotions on life

Imagine your usual morning. You wake up looking disgruntled at the alarm hands. Then, enjoying your first cup of morning coffee, you think that everything is not so bad. You get hot with impotent rage when you get stuck in a traffic jam. Rejoice at the boss's praise. Get upset when you hear bad news. It’s just one morning, and the contrast of emotions that we experience can be like a rapidly swinging swing.

Emotions are an integral part of our life. Whether we like it or not, this is human nature, what surrounds us, causes an emotional reaction in us. As a rule, this reaction follows immediately after the event, therefore, strong emotions are often called "flashes", and they can be both positive and sharply negative. How do these reactions affect us? Is it harm or benefit? And why are emotions needed?

In scientific terms, emotion is a state associated with an assessment of the significance for a person of factors acting on him. But this does not mean that all objects and events surrounding us can cause a vivid reaction, but only those that relate to our needs and interests. The mechanism of the emergence of emotions is as old as humanity itself. And nothing else but emotions are a mechanism for regulating a person's relationship with the outside world. The main reactions experienced by humans are practically the same as those experienced by prehistoric people.

In fact, no matter how complex our emotions may seem to us, they can all be reduced to three simple pairs of experiences, namely:

Pleasure - displeasure;
"Voltage - resolution";
"Excitement - tranquility."

Each of us has probably noticed how differently we can react to significant events. Something evokes excitement, cheerfulness, or, on the contrary, anger or hatred in us. In this case, as if something pushes us to immediate action, we cannot be silent and behave calmly. Other events and phenomena, on the contrary, seem to paralyze us, we find ourselves in the role of a passive contemplator, forces seem to leave us. Thus, we can conclude that different emotions can both give us energy and take it away.

If we didn't feel emotion

There is an opinion that the more emotional we are, the more problems we create for ourselves. However, would we get rid of problems if we did not experience emotions at all? Let's consider this hypothetical situation. For example, an angry bull is on our way. The natural emotion in this case is fear. Fear will cause instant action that will allow us to avoid this danger. The absence of fear can have very disastrous consequences here. And it turns out that the right emotions in the right place and at the right time will become for us both a defensive reaction, and a call to action, and a way to activate energy.

Fortunately, it is not often that we have to face such an obvious danger. But if you think about it, our reaction to phenomena of little significance can be exaggerated, and the consequences of this are completely completely unpredictable. Remember how many times you "in your hearts" could say too much to your relatives, bosses, colleagues. A person who knows how to control our emotions can easily manipulate us, and this is an even greater danger. It turns out that it is important not only to experience emotions, but also to be able to control them and sometimes restrain them.

But there is one very important point in this process. Controlling emotions should not be confused with suppressing them.

Emotion control and suppression - what are the differences?

Sigmund Freud, who needs no separate introduction, said: “Unfortunately, repressed emotions do not die. They were silenced. And they continue to influence a person from the inside ”. The consequences of this influence, alas, are far from positive. We often transfer negativity from such suppressed states to other areas of our life. We can break out on children, wife, husband, stranger, simply because we suppressed anger at the moment when circumstances did not allow us to throw it out. Knowing how to manage emotions, we could transform negative energy into positive, or at least neutral. But, as you can see, the suppressed energy will sooner or later find a way out ... And if so, let's learn to cope with our emotional states with the least possible harm to ourselves and others.

How to control your emotions

There are many techniques to help you cope with your emotions, to help you learn how to learn how to express your feelings. Sometimes we need to hide how we really feel for various reasons. Observance of subordination, good manners, general cultural norms dictate to us a certain model of behavior, which sometimes goes against what we actually feel. Sometimes too strong a reaction does not allow us to convey to the interlocutor what exactly we want to say, what feelings we are trying to express. And in this case, we need to pull ourselves together. Where should you start in order not to succumb to your own emotions, but to benefit from them?

Exercises for controlling emotions in psychology

Of course, this will require an effort on our part. But the result of this work will be control of emotions and composure in any life situation.

Everyone knows that a good mood in the morning can, as they say, make the whole day. Take yourself at least a few minutes after waking up, stay in a calm atmosphere, drive away thoughts of all problems, think about the good things that the coming day can bring you. Don't watch the news, don't cling to your family. Remember that their day begins now and they absolutely do not need to spoil it.

A very simple but very effective remedy is a smile. And the first person you smile at is yourself. Stand in front of a mirror. Take a few deep breaths, look at yourself and smile from the bottom of your heart, as if you were dear, very to a loved one... Say your favorite affirmations, find a reason to praise yourself now. No matter how banal this action may seem to you, it will certainly cheer you up, and this is the key to calmness and balance. Keep a smile on your face throughout this exercise, even if you feel like stopping it out of habit.

Anything can happen to you during the day, and the calmness you have achieved can easily break down. Here are simple steps for managing your emotions. Another common truth is that laughter is the best medicine. It not only improves mood, but also the general tone of the whole organism. During laughter, the flow of oxygen to the brain increases, it begins to work more actively. Just a few minutes of genuine laughter can replace a couple of hours of rest. After such a beneficial effect, it will be much more difficult for negative emotions to get the better of us. Well, you can find a reason to laugh without much difficulty, at least remember a funny situation or anecdote.

If your negative emotion is directed at a specific person, use your imagination. Imagine him in a ridiculous costume, or without it at all, in a funny situation. Remember that if you are laughing, it is much more difficult to anger you, positive emotions neutralize the negative effects.

Another method is to mentally bring the situation to the point of absurdity. In this case, you need to become aware of your emotion, understand why you are experiencing it, and mentally develop this situation, preferably making unexpected funny conclusions, or imagining the most positive outcome. Of course, this approach will not solve the problem that has arisen in any way, but our task is to this moment- to avoid negative emotions- can be solved with minimal effort.

These simple techniques can be used as an emergency aid when you need to get your emotions under control here and now. But sometimes everything is much more complicated, and in this case, a more serious technique will be required.

Moving away from emotion

The negative reaction can sometimes be so strong, so painful, that it can be detrimental to your mental and physical condition. Such a factor can be, for example, a feeling of intense fear or irritation when something is out of your control. In this case, the ability to look at everything from the outside will help you. Become aware of your emotion, say to yourself: "I am angry (angry, annoyed) because ...". Find the reason for this feeling and imagine that you are observing yourself, seeing how emotions affect you. The role of an outside observer will help you focus not on the stimulus, but on yourself, on your own reaction, on the awareness of itself and its consequences. The very awareness and statement of emotion will help to find the fastest way to eliminate it. Your focus on observation will help you to abstract from unpleasant sensations and feelings. Maintaining balance and composure will become a habit and very easy practice for you if you practice a little at every opportunity.

Switching attention

It is very difficult to control your thoughts, and in fact they often become the source of many of our negative emotions. It is useless to force yourself not to think bad. The more we try to suppress these thoughts in ourselves, the more they grow in us. In a psychology class, the teacher once asked his students, no matter what they did for the next five minutes, not to think about the green monkey. And if they do think about it, give a sign by clapping your hands. For the next five minutes, nothing but applause was heard. It is necessary to be able to switch attention so that the new activity captures you completely, not allowing evil thoughts to sprout like weeds in your mind. Favorite hobby, funny comedy, music, walking. Any person has such "magic wands" that can switch you to a completely different wave. Use them whenever the need arises.

Self-training for relaxation

Learning how to relax is a great way to control your emotions. The modern rhythm of life requires more and more stress from us every day, we get tired more and more, we live at the limit. But all these factors will have less impact on you if you master a technique such as auto-training.

Auto-training- this is a way of self-regulation of your state, which resembles hypnosis, with the only difference that it is not a psychologist or hypnotist who immerses you in a state of trance, but you yourself. In order for this practice to bring you maximum benefit, you need to do it regularly, observing all its stages sequentially.

The first stage is relaxation. Get into a comfortable position while sitting or lying down. The main thing is that in this position you can achieve maximum relaxation of all muscles. Take care of comfortable clothes, a quiet, calm environment, eliminate all potential irritants during auto-training. You can play quiet meditation music, but only if it does not distract you from experiencing your own states. Concentrate on your breathing. It should be deep and even. Watch as the air fills and leaves your lungs in your mind. Imagine every cell in your body relaxing, from your fingertips to the crown of your head. When you feel the pleasant heaviness of the whole body, you can move on to the next stage.

The second stage is suggestion. You will need to prepare for this stage in advance. Consider or select from the relevant literature a positive attitude that suits your needs. Avoid negative constructs, the installation must be completely positive. Do not use the phrases "I will try", "I will try", only statements, for example, "I will do", "I can", "I will achieve". Say these phrases to yourself several times, as if you are scrolling through the same entry. Visualization will be very effective at this stage. The brighter you present a picture of what you are striving for, the more firmly it will be imprinted in your subconscious mind.

Examples of installations for auto-training:

I am calm and balanced. I am able to completely control my emotions.
All problems are a thing of the past. There is only room for success in my life.
My business is getting better every day.

It will be better if you compose such phrases yourself, in your usual language. In this case, their perception will be more durable.

The third stage is the exit from auto-training. Don't do it abruptly. Gradually begin to focus on the sensations of your body, slightly wiggle your fingers, stretch. You can start the countdown from 10 to 1 by mentally telling yourself that on the count of “one,” you will come out of relaxation refreshed and refreshed. If you do this before bed, change the wording, "on the count of one I will fall asleep and in the morning I will wake up light, sleepy and energetic."

This technique will help you, but only if you apply it regularly and not occasionally.

When emotions need to be contained

We have already figured out with you that emotions will be with us, as part of our nature, regardless of our desire. We know how to restrain ourselves in emotions, not letting circumstances dictate us how to act. In what situations is self-control especially important?

Family life. Very often, it is our loved ones who become the target of our bad mood.
Social situations. We lose our temper very easily on public transport, in a long line at a store, bank, post office. In this case, we throw out our irritation on people, thereby multiplying the negative. Move away from emotions in this case, do not take everything to heart.
Job. It takes up a large part of our life, so we inevitably face many problems that cause stress. Find opportunities to relax for a few minutes and avoid negative influences.

Remember that by managing your emotions, you make your life brighter and more fulfilling, free from negativity and its consequences. I wish you success in mastering self-control techniques.

The inability to control our emotions, at times, does not in the best way affect our relationships with other people. If you want to avoid problems in many areas of life due to the inability to suppress your anger, jealousy and other negative feelings, then we recommend that you use some simple tips.

Managing your own emotions - good or bad

It should be understood that controlling emotions does not imply a ban on emotions in general. It is about the upbringing of an internal culture, which, as a rule, characterizes just decent and self-confident people. Please note that there is nothing wrong with freely demonstrating your spontaneous positive emotions, but this in no way should prevent you from suppressing negative manifestations of feelings in special situations.

As you already understood, control of emotions can be called control, first of all, of involuntary emotions, which in turn can be called one of the most important components of a person's self-control. It is also important to understand that control in no way equals prohibition.

If you learn to control your emotions well at the right time, then, of course, this will only play into your hands. When a person is truly mature, he will not complain about lack of self-control - he works it out diligently. And in general, complaints are behavior inherent in children and "adult children" who do not want to grow up.

As a result, we can conclude that emotional control is still needed for a comfortable life in society. However, for a neurotic and unrestrained person, this will not be easy - in this case, such a task can do more harm than good. Such a person will be even more irritated, and as a result, the situation may turn out to be worse than it was initially. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that a total inability to restrain oneself refers to mental deviations, no matter how serious it sounds. It may make sense to consult a specialist. Once you learn to manage your emotions, there is no need to control them.

Remember that the spontaneous nature of emotions interferes with our achievement of long-term goals - with our mood swings, we can complicate our own life at the most inopportune moment. It is very difficult to come to a realization of your true goal for a person who regularly succumbs to an emotional outburst.

How to learn to control and manage your emotions

Often we are overwhelmed by emotions at the wrong moment when it is needed. Some of our reactions are not always an adequate response in a given situation. You yourself have probably noticed that in moments of emotional outburst, often, we think much worse than in a calm state. Sometimes, you just need to distance yourself from the situation, but internal impulses simply do not allow you to do this. And yet, the man who managed to make himself developed personality understands how useful the ability to manage their emotions is. Also, for sure, many understand that a well-mannered person differs from an ill-mannered person in that he is able to control himself, even when it is rather difficult. In general, self-control is very important. What techniques can you use to cultivate self-restraint?

"Hold" your face

This advice is simple, but it has tremendous effect. Even if a negative emotion has already arisen for you, do not let it reflect on your face! If you can do this, the intensity of emotions will clearly diminish.

With some effort, for sure, you will be able to develop the skill of "calm presence" in yourself. As you know, Indians are famous for the fact that they often skillfully control their emotions - not a single muscle on their face will tremble when they are angry, disappointed or surprised. Perhaps, in such a reaction, the true inner strength of a person is manifested. Conclusion: no matter what storms overwhelm you on the inside, outwardly you should not demonstrate it.

Breath

In peak situations, it is important to monitor your breathing - when its rhythm changes, the emotional state also changes. Just breathe in and out calmly, and your condition will gradually return to normal.

It is highly undesirable to demonstrate your negative emotions in the workplace - this is fraught not only with problems in the team, but, at times, with a banal dismissal. However, it is important to note that not only the subordinate, but also the leadership should restrain themselves!

When you are a boss, you need to learn to emotionally control yourself.

People who find themselves in leadership positions often cease to adequately evaluate their colleagues over time, demanding more from them than they are capable of or can give. As a result, an employee who does not live up to expectations falls under emotional shelling. Think, perhaps, a similar situation has developed in your team, and you simply demand more from people than they are obliged to do. If this is not at all the case, and you understand that the employee has not coped with his immediate duties, then it is much more effective to reprimand him in a cold and stern tone than to go on to yell.

Ways to deal with emotions when you are a subordinate

The most important thing is not to try on the image of the victim. Sometimes, an employee who is insulted by a manager almost “savor” the painful phrases that he voices. A person does not analyze the spoken words, does not think what caused them - he simply accumulates hatred for the boss. Of course, it is not easy to be neutral towards a person who radiates negativity in your direction, but it is important to remember that hatred destroys a personality, so you should not cherish it. Perhaps in some such situation you are not able to give a worthy rebuff, but you are certainly capable of ignoring. When you realize that the situation is at its peak, just turn off your consciousness. You don't need to prove anything to your opponent. Wait until he speaks out, and only then calmly tell him what you wanted. Don't worry that it won't be timely - desired effect it will not cancel.

How to become emotionally stable in any situation

Learn to deal with negative emotions and not succumb to them

If you develop the following skills in yourself, then it will be much easier for you to learn how to manage your emotions.

Attention management. You should pay attention to important, positive things, and try not to focus on the negative.
Control of facial expressions. In especially difficult situations, it is advisable to save face and not show that you are overwhelmed by any negative emotions.
Developed imagination. Helps, if necessary, to distract from unpleasant situations, and "switch" to something else.
Breath. When you learn to control your breathing, it will be easier for you to calm yourself down.

As you already understood, not everyone is able to manage their own emotional state. In general, not all emotions can be controlled. And yet, each of us is within the power to approach the ideal in this sense, if we really want to set ourselves a similar task. You can come to this on your own, or you can trust specialists in specialized centers. In the second case, it is important that your mentors are highly qualified and the centers have a good reputation. To determine the choice of such an institution, you can read the reviews on the Web.

Remember that our thoughts play a huge role in our life. When we pay attention to the positive aspects, then inside we seem to "trigger" a positive state. If we focus more on the negative aspects, then by doing so we attract more negativity into life. Of course, this does not mean at all that you need to ignore life's problems, but learn to treat them constructively: not to be a victim of circumstances, but to look for ways to solve difficulties.

If negative thoughts overwhelm you, try to forcibly switch them, direct them in a positive direction - start thinking about something good, or make some plans that cheer you up. You can just visualize in your thoughts beautiful pictures- landscapes, loved ones in a festive setting, and so on.

The moments when you are trying to take control of your emotions, you should think about what benefits you get from being in a negative state. Often, a person does not realize that fear, anger or resentment is not at all a natural and not a natural state. In fact, this is our personal choice, and subconsciously we decided that it is beneficial to us in the current situation and solves some of our problems. Until you understand why you decided to experience this state, it will be difficult for you to get rid of it.

You should not suppress or hide your emotions - it is important to be able to control them.

As we have already noted, you should not forbid yourself from expressing your emotions. It's about something completely different - emotions need to be controlled! Do not give vent to too negative expressions of feelings, and allow yourself to show a positive mood. Let's find out what a person who is unable to control can lose negative emotions.

1) The state of being positive

A person who is overcome by negative feelings is hardly able to think positively. Having succumbed to the influence of anger, anger or something like that, he will hardly be able to "tune in" to another wave in the near future.

2) Calm

Sometimes, this is even more important than the positive state. A person who is in a calm state is always able to think more soberly than one who is subject to the emotions that overwhelm her.

3) Relationships

Unfortunately, many relationships, which include love, friendship, business, collapse due to the fact that someone failed to contain the flow of negativity in time. Often, such behavior undermines trust, kills feelings, which in the end often leads to a break in relations.

4) Reputation

A person who allows himself the frequent manifestation of negative emotions is unlikely to have a reputation as a respected and adequate person. When you do not know what to expect from the interlocutor or assume that he may suddenly flare up or something like that, you try to limit communication with him. Gradually, an opinion is formed about a person, which does not paint him at all.

5) control over life

Those who are unable to control their emotions cannot fully control their lives. Having succumbed to a sudden impulse, a person can lose a lot or face other unpleasant consequences of his impulse. As a result, the life of such a person is developing less successfully than it could.

In general, the list of losses does not end there, but even on the points listed it is obvious that the lack of control over emotions, at times, can lead to an unpleasant result.

Of course, when there are children in the family, the nervous situation in the family may not develop in the best way on their subsequent psychological development. In the presence of children, it is especially important to control your emotions!

Techniques to Deal with Excessive Emotionality

The technique of identification. It can help in some peak situations when you need to control yourself. In such cases, it is useful to imagine yourself not as yourself, but as someone else. You can try on the image of a hero or person you want to be like in such moments. You should react and act accordingly in the same way as the person with whom you identify yourself would. The method is quite suitable for creative people with a developed imagination.

Self-hypnosis technique. You may well use a simplified self-hypnosis technique. At the right time, you should say to yourself certain attitudes: “I am in control of myself,” “I am invulnerable and calm,” “Nothing will drive me out of myself,” and the like.

Emotion Management Books for Parents

If you understand that your family members do not always manage to cope with the intensity of any emotions, then, of course, it makes sense to familiarize yourself with the literature that teaches you how to cope with the manifestation of negativity.

What books should you pay special attention to? Perhaps you will like the technique offered by Richard Fitfield in his work “Managing Emotions. Creating Harmonious Relationships ”. Also quite a few useful information can be found in the book "New positive psychology: A Scientific Look at Happiness and the Meaning of Life "(Seligman Martin EP). Many parents can be helped in managing their emotions by the work of Capponi V. and Novak T. "Your own psychologist" or Rainwater J. "It is within your power. How to become your own psychotherapist. "

Emotion management does not need to be presented as a particularly difficult task, however, and it should not be overlooked either. Often, it is difficult to achieve the set goal for people who have already missed the moment the emotion arises, did not warn it and the actions of the interlocutors who created these emotions.

It is easy for an experienced professional to understand whether a person is able to control their emotions by studying their body language. If a person is calm, his body is relaxed and collected, he is probably able to master his state at the necessary moment. If a person's movements are chaotic, the gaze is uncertain or wandering, then, apparently, it is not easy for him to cope with possible negative reactions. Also, a specialist can give a very disappointing assessment of a person whose body is very tense, pinched, or seems to "rattle". What is meant by the last definition? "Jitter" is characterized by uncontrollable tensions running through the body - it can be twitching of the fingers, lips, muscles near the eyes, and so on. These symptoms can be learned to control by exercising the “calm presence”, which is separately mentioned in this article.

There is one more important condition when managing emotions - you should learn to relax yourself in different conditions and situations. Always keep your body in a calm state - this skill will provide you with remarkable results.

Some people think that in a love relationship it is not necessary to restrain their emotions, believing that the loved one should accept them "as they are." It is worth noting that for the time being, this can happen, but once a flurry of negative emotions can still kill the feelings of even the most loving partner. At the same time, this happens completely involuntarily - just one day a person realizes that he is tired of unreasonable jealousy, irascibility, aggression, resentment or other unpleasant emotions of his beloved.

When this critical moment comes, it becomes difficult to correct the situation, and, at times, it is completely impossible. Of course, in order not to lead to such an outcome, it is better to initially value your relationship, and not allow spontaneous negative emotions to destroy the trust and harmony that have developed in a couple. Remember that one thoughtless word can echo in all your subsequent relationships with your loved one.

Don Juan on Controlling Emotions (Carlos Castaneda "Controlled Stupidity")

The last point will tell you about stalking - a special technique that helps track down your emotions and feelings in order to keep them under control. In Castaneda's writings, don Juan says stalking can be called "controlled folly." If you have studied English, then you probably know that the word "stalking" comes from the verb "to stalk", which means "secretly stalk, using various tricks and tricks," and usually refers to hunting. A hunter is called a stalker. Don Juan Matus taught Castaneda to hunt, first offering to study the habits of wild animals.

The author of the book is convinced that Everyday life one should not forget about the stalker method. Obviously, the stalker's actions are usually based on observations, and not at all on what he thinks. Often we are unable to distinguish between our ideas and reality, confusing observation with judgment. Meanwhile, when the hunter observes, there is no room in his thoughts for reflection, condemnation, internal dialogue - he simply observes what is happening.

Carlos Castaneda points out our attention to the fact that, at times, we not only do not control our negative emotions, but also indulge them. Many people know what it means to take offense at someone for many years, be angry or suffer, without doing anything that could eliminate this condition.

Don Juan calls such self-indulgence, weakness, and self-pity a waste of energy, which only brings fatigue and deprives us of many accomplishments. Of course, there is no doubt that a person who indulges such weaknesses becomes weak himself.

Greetings to readers. In this article I will explain. It will be about how not to succumb to your feelings, your mood and state of mind, to stay sober and accept correct decisions rather than acting on emotions. The article is quite long, since the topic requires it, this is even, in my opinion, the smallest thing that can be written on this topic, so you can read the article in several approaches. Here you will also find many links to other materials on my blog, and before starting to study them, I advise you to read this page to the end, and then delve deeper into reading other articles on the links, since in this article I still ran "to the top »(You can open the materials on the links in other tabs of your browser and then start reading).

So, before talking about practice, let me speculate about why you need to control your emotions at all and whether you can do it at all. Are our feelings something beyond our control that we can never deal with? Let's try to figure it out.

Feelings and emotions in culture

Western mass culture is thoroughly saturated with an atmosphere of emotional dictatorship, the power of feelings over human will. In films, we constantly see how heroes, driven by passionate impulses, commit some crazy deeds and this, sometimes, is the basis of the whole plot. The characters of the films quarrel, break down, get angry, shout at each other, sometimes, even for no particular reason. Some uncontrollable whim often leads them to their goal, to their dream: be it a thirst for revenge, envy or a desire to have power. Of course, films do not consist entirely of this, I am not going to criticize them for this, because it is just an echo of the culture, which is that emotions are often put at the forefront.

This is especially noticeable in classical literature (and even classical music, I'm not talking about theater): the past centuries were much more romantic than our era. The heroes of classical works were distinguished by a great emotional disposition: they fell in love, then they stopped loving, then they hated, then they wanted to command.

And so, between these emotional extremes, the stage of the hero's life, described in the novels, passed. I also will not criticize the great classics for this, they are wonderful works in terms of artistic value and they simply reflect the culture that they were born with.

But, nevertheless, such a view of things, which we see in many works of world culture, is not only a consequence of the social worldview, but also indicates the further path of the movement of culture. Such a sublime, servile attitude towards human emotions in books, music and films forms the belief that our feelings are not controlled, this is what is outside our control, they determine our behavior and our character, they are given to us by nature and we are not we can change anything.

We believe that the whole individuality of a person is reduced to only a set of passions, whims, vices, complexes, fears and emotional impulses. We used to think of ourselves in this manner, "I'm hot-tempered, I'm greedy, I'm shy, I'm nervous and I can't do anything about it."

We are constantly looking for an excuse for our actions in our feelings, relieving ourselves of any responsibility: “Well, I acted on emotions; when I am irritated, I become uncontrollable; Well, that's the kind of person I am, I can’t do anything about it, it’s in my blood, etc. ”. We treat our emotional world as an element beyond our control, a seething ocean of passions, in which a storm will begin, as soon as a weak breeze blows (after all, this is the case with the heroes of books and films). We easily follow the lead of our feelings, because we are what we are and it cannot be otherwise.

Of course, we began to see this as the norm, even, moreover, dignity and virtue! Excessive sensitivity we call and think about it almost as a personal merit of the bearer of such a "spiritual type"! The whole concept of big artistic skill we reduce to the level of depicting the movement of emotions, which is expressed in theatrical poses, pretentious gestures and demonstration of mental anguish.

We no longer believe that there is an opportunity to gain control over ourselves, to make informed decisions, and not to be a puppet of our desires and passions. Does this belief have a good foundation?

I don't think so. The impossibility of controlling feelings is a common myth generated by our culture and our psychology. It is possible to control emotions, and the experience of many people who have learned to be in harmony with their inner world speaks in favor of this, they managed to make feelings their allies, and not masters.

This article will focus on managing emotions. But I will talk not only about controlling emotions, for example, anger, irritation, but also about controlling states, (laziness, boredom) and uncontrollable physical needs, (lust, gluttony). Since all this has a common basis. Therefore, if I further speak about emotions or feelings by this I immediately mean all irrational human motives, and not just the emotions themselves in the strict sense of the word.

Why do you need to control your emotions at all?

Of course, feelings can and should be controlled. But why do this? Very easy to become freer and happier. Emotions, if you do not take control over them, take control, which is fraught with all sorts of rash actions, which you later regret. They prevent you from acting wisely and correctly. Also, knowing about your emotional habits, it is easier to control other people: to play on your self-esteem, if you are vain, to use your insecurity to impose your will.

Emotions are spontaneous and unpredictable, they can take you by surprise at the most crucial moment and interfere with your intentions. Imagine a faulty car that is still driving, but you know that at any moment at high speed something can break down and this will lead to an imminent accident. Are you going to feel confident behind the wheel of such a car? Also, uncontrollable feelings can come at any time and cause the most unpleasant consequences. Remember how many troubles you experienced because you could not stop the excitement, calm your anger, overcome shyness and insecurity.

The spontaneous nature of emotions makes it difficult to move towards long-term goals, since sudden outbursts of the sensual world constantly introduce deviations in your life course, forcing you to turn one way or the other at the first call of passions. How can you realize your true purpose when you are constantly distracted by emotions?

In such a continuous rotation of sensory flows, it is difficult to find yourself, to realize your deepest desires and needs, which will lead you to happiness and harmony, since these flows are constantly pulling you in different directions, away from the center of your being!

Strong, uncontrollable emotions are like a drug that paralyzes the will and puts you in bondage.

The ability to control your emotions and states will make you independent (from your experiences and from the people around you), free and confident, will help you achieve your goal and achieve your goals, since feelings will no longer completely control your mind and determine your behavior.

In fact, it is sometimes very difficult to assess Negative influence emotions on our life to the fullest, since every day we are under their power and to look through the veil of heaped desires and passions seems to be quite difficult. Even our most ordinary actions carry an emotional imprint, and you yourself may not suspect about it. It can be very difficult to abstract from this state, but, anyway, I will probably talk about it later.

How is emotion management different from emotion suppression?

Meditate!

Meditation is a very valuable exercise in controlling emotions, in developing will and awareness. Those who have been reading my blog for a long time may miss this, since I have already written about meditation in many articles, and here I will not write anything fundamentally new about it, but if you are new to my materials, then I strongly advise you to pay attention to this ...

From all that I have listed, meditation, in my opinion, is the most effective tool for controlling your state, both emotional and physical. Remember the equanimity of yogis and oriental sages who spent many hours in meditation. Well, since we are not yogis, it is not worth meditating all day, but you need to spend 40 minutes a day on it.

Meditation is not magic, not magic, not religion, it is as proven exercise for your mind as exercise is for the body. Only meditation, unfortunately, is not so popular in our culture, which is a pity ...

Managing emotions isn't just about stopping them. It is also necessary to maintain such a state in which strong negative emotions simply do not arise, or, if they do, are subject to mind control. This is the state of calm, sober mind and peace that meditation gives you.

2 sessions of meditation a day, over time, will teach you to manage your feelings much better, not to succumb to passions and not to fall in love with vices. Try it and you will understand what I am talking about. And most importantly, meditation will help you to abstract from the constant emotional veil that envelops your mind and prevents you from taking a sober look at yourself and your life. This is the difficulty that I talked about at the beginning. Regular practice of meditation will help you to cope with this task.

There is a whole article about that on my website and you can read it at the link. I highly recommend doing this! This will make it much easier for you to achieve the task of finding harmony and balance with your inner world. It will be very difficult without this!

What to do when emotions get overwhelmed?

Suppose that you are overtaken by violent emotions that are difficult to cope with. What to do in such situations?

Realize that you are under the pressure of emotions, so you need to take action and not twist things.
Calm down, relax (they will help you to relax), remember that your actions now may be irrational because of the feelings overwhelming you, so postpone making decisions, conversations, for another time. Calm down first. Try to analyze the situation soberly. Take responsibility for your feelings. Define this emotion within a generalized class (Ego, weakness, desire for pleasure) or more specifically (pride, laziness, shyness, etc.).
Depending on the situation, either do the opposite of what makes you do the current state. Or just ignore him, behave as if he is not there. Or just take proactive measures so as not to do unnecessary stupidity (about this I gave an example about the feeling of falling in love, at the beginning of the article: let it become a pleasant emotion, and not turn into an uncontrollable state that will push you into decisions that you will later regret ).
Drive away all thoughts, born of this emotion, do not bury your head in them. Even if you successfully dealt with the initial emotional outburst, this is not all: you will still be overcome by thoughts that bring your mind back to the experience. Forbid yourself to think about it: every time thoughts about feeling come - drive them away. (for example, you were rude in traffic, you don’t need to spoil your mood because of accidental rudeness, forbid yourself to think about all the injustice of this situation (stop the mental flow "and he is so and so, because he is wrong ..."), because this is stupid. to music or other thoughts)

Try to analyze your emotions. What caused them? Do you really need these experiences or are they just getting in the way? Is it so smart to be angry over trifles, to envy, to gloat, to be lazy and discouraged? Do you really need to constantly prove something to someone, try to be the best everywhere (which is impossible), strive to get as much pleasure as possible, be lazy and grieve? What will your life be like in the absence of these passions?

And how can the lives of those close to you change when they cease to be the target of your negative feelings? And what will become of your life if no one harbors malevolent motives towards you? Well, the latter is no longer entirely in your power (but only "not quite", after all, I am writing this article, which will be read by many people, so I can do something for this ;-)), but you can still train yourself not to react to the surrounding negativity, let people who are filled with it keep it with them, instead of will not pass it on to you.

Do not postpone this analysis until later. Train yourself to think, to reason about your experiences from the standpoint of reason and common sense. Every time after strong experience think about whether you need it, what it gave you and what it took away, who it hurt, how it made you behave. Realize how much your emotions limit you, how they control you and force you to do things that you would never do in your right mind.

This concludes this long article about how to control your emotions... I wish you success in this endeavor. I hope all the material on my site will help you with this.

The emotional background is an assistant in establishing contact between people, thanks to which a person is able to see the reaction of his interlocutor, as a result of which it becomes easier for him to find mutual language... Nevertheless, it is not always beneficial for us to advertise our emotions. In general, it is worth noting that the ability to control your emotions is a gift that can be obtained from nature or developed over the course of life. You can develop it by learning the secret of endurance and learning this art.

How to take control of your emotions

Throughout life we enter into many contacts, find ourselves in various situations and, as D. Carnegie says, we must remember that "we communicate with illogical creatures, with emotional creatures, overgrown with prickly prejudices and driven by pride and vanity." The ability to control our emotions helps us to maneuver and build relationships with people.

The surrounding reality is not very conducive to indulge our weaknesses, inability to communicate, our ability to experience the most insignificant reasons. We are constantly exposed to "mental attacks", find ourselves in stressful situations and, not being able to recover our peace of mind, we deviate more and more from the point of optimal state. Feelings of anxiety and discomfort arise. Assessment of situations under the influence of neuro-emotional excitement becomes inadequate.

Fear, anger and other negative emotions cause strong muscle tension in a person ("the face cramped," "nervous breathing," "hands clenched into fists," etc.)

At such moments, a person is like a self-excited system, in which muscle tension, heart palpitations, "rapid breathing" are additional signals that enter the brain and support emotional arousal.

On the other hand, a relaxed state, even breathing are signs of calmness, a positive emotional state, and balance. "Calm down, pull yourself together!" - we hear advice from friends or say this to ourselves, knowing full well that this is an ineffective remedy.

To control your emotions and not get nervous, you need to try differently. Relaxing the muscles of the body, cut off the influx of excitatory signals into the central nervous system... Smile - and send a powerful impulse from the muscles of the face to the brain associated with a pleasant emotional state.

The connection between the psyche and muscle tone allows, by acting on involuntary functions with words or images, to cause conditions in the muscles and organs that correspond to emotional peace, rest, and stabilization of all body systems.

In a state of deep muscle relaxation (relaxation), a person can deeply and quickly rest, reduce neuro-emotional stress, use the reserves of his body, activate its physiological functions, and purposefully influence his personality. Muscle relaxation is the basis of auto-training.

Managing your emotions is a great sign of self-control. Only a balanced and confident person can keep their emotions under control. Very often you have to simulate emotions, portraying the joy of meeting or showing complete indifference in situations when there is a clear lack of peace in your soul. In fact, this is a rather difficult task, it should be understood that the manifestation of coldness and a certain indifference carries with it the need to linger inside oneself strong emotions... As a result, a person in the future will need to make an emotional outburst, since holding emotions in oneself, one can come to receive a neurosis.

But it is worthwhile to understand that the ability to control emotions is necessary only in certain situations - that the occurrence conflict situations, working moments and some others.

Emotion is a great weapon. Through the correct application of emotions, such as: delight, playfulness, interest - you can win over a person. When using some antipodes to the above variations of emotions, a person is able to express his dislike.

Emotions can be expressed in the form of several forms: expressive movements, emotional actions, a personal attitude to the surrounding reality, a statement about those present emotional states.

Facial expressions play a huge role in building emotions. It is she who is able to reflect on our face and is sometimes able to clearly give out our thoughts and desires. By learning to control your thoughts, you can achieve complete control of your emotions.

Voice is the next type of emotion that is displayed in the course of intonation put into the spoken words. In combination with facial expressions, gestures, vocal features can give a conversation one or another character, which is within the power of each person to determine independently. It is unacceptable to allow emotions to rule you, learn to manage them yourself, so you can always control emotions and any situation.

The dynamic life of modern society now and then brings us to the "redistribution" of our own emotions. It's no secret that today almost everyone is faced with the need for emotional relaxation. If this does not happen, then emotions only intensify, intensify, and then the person, not knowing how to overcome his emotions, breaks down on loved ones and relatives, even worse if emotional stress provokes an illness.

So, since closing in on yourself and accumulating your emotions is worse for yourself, how can you control and overcome them?

Find a way to express your emotions. Cry if this makes it easier for you to overcome tension.

Discuss your problems and pour out your heart for your loved ones.

If there is no one in the vicinity, then tell yourself about your problems through reflection in the mirror. In some ways, such a story can be even more effective than dialogue, since it will help you to study in more detail the causes of your emotional stress and get rid of them.

Keep a personal diary, this way to control and manage your emotions is also very effective, writing down everything that happens to you, you get the opportunity after some time, without unnecessary emotions, to analyze the causes and consequences of your condition.

Sometimes allow yourself to be a little child - play naughty and frolic as in childhood, this method of "childishness" is often used in psychotherapy to achieve carelessness and confidence.

Use self-hypnosis, repeating the phrases "I am calm," "calm around me," "I feel better already," and similar mantras to control your emotions.

Anger is one of the strongest human emotions and if you learn to control it, the rest of the emotions will "surrender without a fight" before such endurance!

Before expressing any accusations or reproaches to the person's face, stop and slowly count to ten. It will be difficult for you to do this at first, but very soon it will help you keep your emotions in check. This is not about "harboring resentment" or "accumulating grievances in yourself." The fact is that most often we get angry over little things and after a while we regret the quarrel. Isn't it better to just wisely give the person the right to make mistakes?

Be condescending to those close to you. Sometimes the idea that you are the most serious, intelligent, senior, and are responsible for those who are younger and more unreasonable helps to restrain anger and soberly assess the situation.

Don't spread your mood to others. As a rule, they are absolutely not to blame for the fact that you have these or those problems. Therefore, if you have any troubles at work, then, having come home, you should completely abstract yourself from them, and not take revenge on your relatives who have turned to you with any question or request.

Remember that if you cannot figure out how to control your emotions, and nevertheless say too much to a loved one, then this unpleasant incident can play against you in the future, for example, when you need support and help from relatives and friends. In addition, you will have an unpleasant aftertaste from what happened for a long time, since human memory has the ability to reliably record nervous, stressful situations.

Do not expect compassion and empathy from others. Remember that, in most cases, people find the problems of others to be insignificant. Be prepared for the fact that you, in the best circumstances, will simply be listened to, and do not be surprised if you are dismissed, citing busyness. It is unlikely that such behavior of others can be called a sufficient reason for hysteria. But a word thrown in the heat of the moment can forever ruin your relationship with someone close to you.

Remember that, by being angry, you, first of all, destroy yourself, and the stream of your angry emotions - and the person to whom they are directed. Take care of yourself and those around you, and try to resolve all conflicts that have arisen only when you are in a great mood.

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Do you happen to yell at your husband and then regret it? Does it happen that you say hurtful things to him, in the reality of which you yourself do not believe? How often do you feel remorse about the actions that destroy your relationship? Does this sound familiar to you? Then this article is written for you!

First, answer the following questions:

Do you think it is possible to control emotions?
What are the benefits and benefits of learning to control our emotions?
What damage do we bring to ourselves and our family, not being able to control ourselves?

I think it's obvious that self-control is a skill worth learning, but how?

When I first got married, my ability to control my emotions was 10% at best, and today I can proudly say that I do it by 90%. I not only learned to control my emotions, but also began to help other women in this difficult task. I have developed several exercises that, with constant training, give amazing results.

How to control your emotions and keep the peace in your family?

Follow six rules!

Rule 1: Don't over-dramatize the situation

Many women simply “wind up” themselves and inflate the elephant out of every little thing: “He didn’t call me, so he forgot about me, so he doesn’t give a damn about me, so he no longer loves me, and so on. etc".

Remember - as a rule, you are offended or angry not at the event itself, but at the meaning that you attach to it. Learn to think more positively and more broadly: “He didn't call me because he has an important project at work; he didn't call because he wanted me to miss him; he didn’t call because he didn’t want to distract me from my business ”.

Or even: "He didn't call, just because he forgot." That's all. No drama.

Rule 2: take care of your well-being, emotional state

Imagine that you are tired, hungry, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to the amount of work. And then your husband comes home an hour later than promised. You pour out on him everything that has accumulated at work, and all your fatigue for last days or maybe months or years.

Very often we vent anger on our husband, although he, in principle, has nothing to do with it. He just fell under the arm at the wrong moment.

So, your direct responsibility is to take care of yourself and your happiness. Then your husband will receive a piece of your happiness instead of a ton of your stress.

Rule 3: play the role of a happy and good wife

Yes, yes, as they say, “fake it till you make it”. That is, play it until you get it - until it becomes second nature to you.

Here you will be helped by the necessary books, films and live communication with those who can serve as an example for you.

Say goodbye to your previous image, because you did not choose it, life somehow imposed it on you without your consent. Choose a new image for yourself and be who you want to see yourself, playing as an actress, this role. Very soon it will become a habit, and you will not have time to notice how you will become what you have always dreamed of being!

Rule 4: Analyze Your Intentions, Behaviors, and Outcomes

There is a good intention behind every action. For example, a woman yells at her husband because she wants him to understand and accept her feelings. But does its action - raising the voice - lead to the desired result? Obviously, this leads to the opposite. The husband simply ignores her and insists on his own even more.

Therefore, it is important to ask yourself: “Why am I shouting? What do I want to achieve by this? Does this lead me to the desired result? What alternative action can I take to get what I want? Learn to ask yourself these questions and analyze your behavior, and not just act automatically.

Rule 5: Count to ten and breathe deeply

At any stressful situation the first reaction, as a rule, is animal, instinctive: to attack or run away. Therefore, women either make a scandal, or slam the door and leave in resentment. Neither option is a way out of the situation.

You need to understand that rational and creative thinking in a stressful situation is connected a little later. Therefore, it is recommended to count to ten, and then react. A more effective way is to make a complete breathing exercise: 8 seconds for inhalation, 32 seconds for holding the breath, and 16 seconds for exhalation. After this exercise, you become literally a new person with whom you can communicate again.

Rule 6: Go to another room to beat your pillow

In the most extreme case, there is a very effective means for splashing negative emotions without sacrifice, without remorse and without harm to others. As soon as you feel that you are about to explode, move away from the witnesses and, when you have retired, boldly start hitting the pillow and shouting loudly: "A-ah-ah-ah!"

I assure you that even a minute of such an entertaining pastime will be enough for you to feel again that “hold on well in the saddle”! You can again talk, communicate and find out various issues without fear for your health.

Remember, you cannot always have power over a situation, but you can always have power over yourself. This is what I wish you!